Take The Step

One of the hardest things to do is take that step.

It’s true for all of us. At one point in our lives, each of us has to take a step that we are fearful of. Weary of. Unsure of where it will lead.  Curiously, for me, knowing exactly where it will lead is precisely why the step trips me up. Maybe it’s like that for you too.

Téa’s multiple seizures daily mean she is unsteady on her feet.  It means she looks like she is growing an off-center unicorn horn much of the time.

It also means that despite my wish to not always look like a PSA for special needs, I’m going to have to pack on my inner armor and put a helmet on my daughter.

It isn’t vanity that keeps me from taking the step to purchase a soft helmet online.

It isn’t shame, thankfully, I don’t feel embarrassment around my daughter’s disorder and all the stare-inspiring behavior it causes.

It has more to do with noticing that I experience life as an on-going war against Rett, and when the seizures rage and her falls make nausea surge in my stomach, I feel like I am loosing ground on the battlefield.

So who I am really waging war against?

Lot’s of things:  war against the imbecilic parents who don’t teach their children empathy the fearful, insecure parents whose asshole children grow up without a drop of decency or mindfulness.

War against the absence of funding for research that can put an end to Rett and so very many other disorders because people value the latest iphone/car/ one more dinner out more than they do contributing to the betterment of the lives of others.

War against my own moments of self-pitty. While evermore beautiful and meaningful our lives are because of our daughter,  so too it is equally harder.  My dad used to say that our children grow us up. I’m growing – we all grow; you, me to to meet the needs of our children. I’m running trying to personally grow quickly enough to meet Téa’s needs and those needs require many of those steps that are difficult to take.

So how does one take those steps? Here are a few pearls of wisdom to start us off on building our necklace.

  1. Ask others how they took the step. How they faced it, and how they keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will do two things: first, it will acknowledge their hard work and everyone could use that. Second, you’ll actually learn a powerful skill that will help you take that step and own it.
  2. The step doesn’t have to be a stride. It can very well be a baby step. Afterall, it’s how we all start walking anyway.
  3. Falling on your face counts as a step.

Sometimes, the step, in fact isn’t physical. Those are the hardest – those are the ones that make you a warrior.

Ari.

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