What not to do when you’re expecting.

I thought I was doing myself a favour today when I called a spa here in town and asked whether they were able to fit me in for a massage and a facial. I had a vision of myself floating about a pretty spa in a robe with a serene and somewhat hazy smile on my face.

Every cell in my body released tension just as soon as my eyes connected with the proper prenatal massage pillows arranged on the table that would allow me to finally lie on my stomach.

The massage was blissful, soothing. So good in fact that I didn’t even care about the patch of hair on the backs of both my legs left there because I simply couldn’t reach that high up my thigh to wax it. That’s right my friend, it was that good. I was relaxed and at ease and when it ended I didn’t feel that it had been too short nor too long, it was just right.

Then it all went to shit.

I put on the robe. Don’t put on the robe.

The robe that promises to in and of it’s self deliver soothing feelings of lux pampering. The robe that feels nice until you see what your body – stuffed with a baby – looks like in the mirror. Suddenly, let’s say it’s less lux and more reflux as you wonder why there is such a disconnect between your lovely fantasy about how you would meander about the spa and how you actually waddle looking a good 20 extra pounds rotund than the 20 you actually are carrying around.

Next, don’t get a facial.  Lying on your back for an hour with a slew of creams slathered on your face is not nearly so refreshing or spa-ish when you’re in your third trimester. It will undo all the good the massage delivered. Your back will ache, the baby will be pressing against your bladder in such an acute way that you kinda want to let yourself just pee on the table and don’t only because you were raised right.

Instead, get a massage at a spa that guarantees they have prenatal pillows so that you can finally lie on your stomach without hurting yourself, the baby, or winding up with an elbow or knee in your ribs.

Get a pedicure and not only enjoy the deflating effect the massage creates but you also get to sit in a comfy chair sipping tea and leave with pretty, smooth toesies.

Get a make-up make-over with a high end line of cosmetics and take either a gloss or cheek stain home because the “glow” you may have now will be gone about two weeks after you deliver and are sleeping 1/2 a night.

Get a hotel room – alone or with hubby – and lie in bed watching movies and ordering room service. Sleep in and return rested and relaxed.

A.

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