It’s been some time since I’ve written anything because apart from not having the time, I haven’t actually been inspired.
I started to post here because I wanted to have a journal that others could perhaps related to. Then I started to write about those things that I found funny, or interesting and thought someone might too. But lately I’ve been feeling rather humourless.
When six o’clock rolls around all I want is to isolate myself in my room and dive under the covers with a movie on my laptop. Invariably this happens when I am stressed about numerous things for prolonged periods of time. Work is rewarding but stressful, which is neither here nor there with respect to my mood.
I think that what I am working through is more a question of identity.
All this to say that last night I enjoyed dinner with one of my sisters in law and among the many things we spoke about, writing here came up as one of the only things I do that makes me feel truly myself. I don’t fret over the mistakes I make with grammar, the occasional misspelled word or disjointed sentences; though I appreciate the friendly readers who point them out so that I can correct them.
For me, writing this blog is about my life, my moments, my thoughts and my humanness. Yes, it’s all about me. The one place where that can be without me feeling even the slightest twinge of guilt.
This is my place to put out the universe that my life is occurring. I don’t have to consider being appropriate or professional. Diplomatic or helpful. Energetic or charming. I can forget about those clients who make the impulse to screen calls stronger than I’d like it to be. About unprofessional business people who have no business being in business. About the arrogant, aggressive, un-inspired and un-ashamed people I interact with here and there.
It’s a place where if you want a laugh, you can see your life mirrored in mine. You can perhaps find solace or insight, or just proof that its an interesting journey for all of us, regardless of where we live, how many children we have or what we do on a daily basis. Its a journey with temporarily trying moments, with saddness and loss, laughter and love. Disillusionment and perhaps even a complete redefinition or renegotiation of our relationships and even ourselves.
Sometimes, we loose sight of those things that make us who we are. I was Ariana. Then I was a wife, Ariana. Then I was a mother, wife, Ariana. Now I am a mother, business owner, wife, friend, group organizer, fundraiser, Ariana. People wonder how I do it. I don’t people. That’s how this post materialized. This place is my place to be and connect to people whom I may not otherwise connect to. Women who see a different side or better yet, a part of themselves that they stopped seeing too.