Tip’s & Tricks For When You Are Shit Out of Luck.

I’ve learned a few things that I feel have granted me a badge of motherhood. Just the first stripes…but still, well earned and worth sharing! So here goes:

If you’re out of juice, Electrolite fits the bill beautifully.

If you’re out of cream cheese, puree tofu and they can’t tell the difference!

If you’re stuck on how to get your kid to eat veggies, add them to tomato sauce and puree it all together. They can’t separate the tastes. Same goes for Tofu (get the soft one, the others remain as little white dots in the food).

If you’re daughter or son pee’s through all the clothes they wore and all the extra clothes you brought, you can use your sweater or cardigan as pants. Here’s how:

1) stick their legs in the arm holes.

2) taking a corner of the bottom of the sweater (which will now be the part at their waist) wrap around their torso until it’s tightened and tuck the end into itself.

Ta-da!!!!

If your baby has pooped up their back and left you with nothing to put them in, a receiving blanket can be used as a toga.

If you want your child to stop screaming in the car, start screaming at the top of your lungs. They will hate this as much as you do and they will shut right up.

If your daughter is as bossy as mine, act as though everything you do was HER idea. She’ll go along with just about anything.

When you have to take them grocery shopping and all your children are in tow, pick up the item they like most first. They will play with it, eat it, lick it, chew it happily as you run through and toss things into your cart with the skill of a pro basketball player.

Useful? Want more? Either way, you’ll get it as I live it.

A.

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