Dear God, it’s me, Ariana.

I would like to know whether You feel the need to test me to the limit by coordinating my children’s melt-downs to occur simultaneously at the point when I am most fatigued.

I would also like to know why they make the plastic heads on little dolls so damn hard.

And could You also tell me a little about why food tastes better off the floor, because pretty soon, my daughter will be eating with the dog.

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